If we’re to be completely honest with ourselves and others, most of us go into relationships and marriages with unexpressed and unrealistic expectations. These unrealistic expectations may be shaped by our parents, friends, education, the media, church and culture. And if not dealt with properly, our unmet/unrealized expectations can lead to disaster within our relationships and marriages.
Couples Making Love Better TwoGether can minimize disappointment by:
1. Having a Conversation about your expectations. Ideally the time to clarify expectations is before marriage. It’s really helpful to know before saying, “I do” that, while you love a home cooked meal 7 days a week, your beloved works a full-time job and may be only able to cook 3 times a week.
2. Compromise. If she wants to purchase a new vehicle, but he wants to save the money first to purchase it flat out so that they won’t have additional expenses. Clearly both sides need to give a little. Being stubborn will get you nowhere.
3. Do away with unrealistic expectations. If you’re both schoolteachers (and thus, like all educators, vastly underpaid) it’s probably not realistic to expect that you and your partner or spouse purchase a home that is not within your means.
4. Learn the difference between hoping for something and demanding something. Example: While at the office Mike picks up his jacket and his wife’s scent causes him to envision an intimate evening with his wife Dana when he gets home. He’s excited at the thought of being romantic and cannot wait for his plan to take action. He now is expecting (perhaps unconsciously demanding) but what happens if when he gets home and Dana has a headache or has had a really hard day?
5. Learn the art of contentment . Be appreciative for what you’ve got. Develop an attitude of gratitude. Those with the long “wish lists” tend to be the unhappiest people. Philippians 4:11-12 “for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”
6. Be accepting. Romans 15:7 Encourages us to accept one another, just as Christ has accepted us. It’s wise to apply this principle when engaging in the conversation about expectations with your partner or spouse. While none of us are perfect it is important to accept the person as they are. Isn’t that why we fell in love with them in the first place?.
7. Roles Take time to write down what you expect, and what you think should be expected of you in your marriage. Or in other words, define the roles you see both husband and wife playing. Be sure to address all areas, from who earns the income, to who cleans the house, to who cares for the children. You want to include things like who manages the money, sends payment for bills, maintains the cars, etc. After you have both written the expectations out in detail, it is time to share.
Be sure as you share your expectations that you do not leave anything off, even if you know that your spouse's ideas are different. Also, be sure that as your spouse shares their ideas, that you are respectful, and that you listen. Once you have both gone through your lists you should have a list of expectations that you both agree on for each of you.
By: Yolanda “Yanni” Brown
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Platonic relationships are most threatening when a Marriage is weakened.... When that relationship becomes the relationship where you feel good & your marriage is simply where you live out your daily routine... It is easy for an emotional affair to begin...
